Saturday, June 23, 2007

What does it mean to be a friend?

Today I went to the DC Caribbean Carnival. At some point a boy asked me to dance and I obliged. Then he continued to follow me and act as if I was his possession. I was having a difficult time keeping him away after a while. My friend noticed this and stuck up for me and tried to help me out of the situation. She yelled at him and asked him to leave me alone.

The whole Carnival was pretty lackluster until we went to a cookout near by. We met up with some male friends of mine I had not seen in a very long time. We had a lot of fun and met some fun people.

Afterwards my friend and I walked back to the home of one male friend. We get there and I realized how tired I was. He gets us some water and I just chill on the couch.

My friend wanted a tour of the house and goes upstairs with my male friend for that purpose. I just chill on the couch talking to my other male friend. She comes back downstairs after a while and sits on the couch again. I don't notice anything different about her demeanor. Then my male friend comes down later.

Another two friends show up and they chat for just a little too long. So my friend taps me and says she wants to go. I agree as I am getting tired. My male friend had previously said he would take us home. So I alerted him that we wanted to go.

We go outside and she says to me "something bad happened." I asked her what and she doesn't say. She says she is going to walk home. We were pretty far from home and her walking alone in the dark or the two of us walking didn't seem like a reasonable option. Besides I have no idea why she's brining up the walking option. So I said "well I'll just have him drop you off first." I was a little confused and it didn't occur to me to take an alternate form of transportation home since she was visibly hesitating on the idea of my friend taking her home. The whole thing caught me off guard. I was starting to sense there was a problem that I wasn't aware of. However, it doesn't occur to me how uncomfortable she may feel since I have no idea what is going on. I was just very confused.

We drive her home and she gets out of the car. I ask her to call me tomorrow. We drive a couple of blocks and my male friend says, "Your friend has an attitude." I asked him what happened and he doesn't answer because his boy was in the car. As a woman, I interpreted his statement to mean, "Fuck her for rejecting my advance."

That's when it clicks. Something did happen, between the two of them. Before they went upstairs everything is all buddy buddy. When it comes to the car ride home she doesn't want to go and he's saying she has an attitude. The last 5 hours everything is all good now she has an attitude? What did you do to make her react this way? I let you out of my sight and you may have acted like less than a gentleman towards my friend?

Something happened between them and I don't know what it is. I would never knowingly put a friend in danger or an uncomfortable situation. I also trusted the male friend to respect my friends. I'm not sure if he just tried to holla or if it was more than that. It had to be more than that now that I can look back at the situation. She let her guard down because she was supposed to be around a people I trust.

I left her a voicemail and asked her to call me. She didn't call back. I've known her for about 4 months and she was moving from being an acquaintance to a friend. I would never knowingly put her in harms way. Now I think I may have compromised a new friendship. She will never want to meet anyone I know again. Earlier in the day when I was in harms way she really helped me out. When she was in harms way I didn't do the same for her. I unknowingly forced her to stay in the situation even if it was only for 5 minutes more. For her perspective it might look like I ignored her feelings although it was more so that I didn't have enough information to make a proper decision.

As I write this I keep thinking about what I could have done differently. I really don't think I could have done anything since I wasn't there when the incident happened nor was I fully aware of the situation. I'm still not aware of what happened. However, I should have been more sensitive to her hesitation to be around my friend.

In general I am a lot more savvy when my girlfriends are in uncomfortable situations when we are around strangers. Since I was with someone I trusted I wasn't looking out for the same clues. There was nothing to indicate that I should.

I hope she calls me so that I can get the full story and take action.

As for my male friend I am trying to wait and hear her side of the story. However, she may never call me again. Even though I have known this guy for years I wouldn't just take his side. He apparently did something my friend didn't like and that needs to be taken care of. I'm not really interested in his side of the story or hanging out with him for quite sometime. He damaged my reputation and broke my trust and I don't appreciate that.

I'll feel all fucked up and will continue to until I can get this matter resolved. Obviously none of this is my fault but I still feel bad about it. It's hard enough to make friends as an adult without other niggas fucking it up for you.

I called her again and left an apology message stating that I was very sorry for whatever happened since I don't know any of the story. I think leaving an apology voicemail was wack but I felt I couldn't let 24hrs go bye without saying what I needed to say. That's all I can do for now and it keep moving on.

Cheer me up or give me a dose of reality in the comment.


rashad said...

I really don't think this was your fault. You probably have a good sense of who is and is not a good male friend, so you had no reason to suspect anything shady going down. at this point, you need to hear both sides, and then decide for yourself what you are going to do. but don't feel guilty about this.

Nichole said...

hopefully, she will understand that you would not intentionally place her in a harmful situation.

maybe she just needs some time to let it go.