Friday, October 04, 2002

Part I: Bad Dreams

I had yet another bad dream. I think it was because of the $1.75 piss, I mean coronas, that I drank last night. In the dream I am at my mother's house just chillin and the door bell rings. It's my father and he has three little girls with him ages 5,3, and 2. I ask him whose kids are these and he replies, "These are your sisters." I went off calling my dad everything from a slut to dishonest. Mostly I just felt threatened because I am a daddy's girl and I am his only child. I don't mind sharing my mother with my sisters. my niece and every other weird combonation of people you can imagine, but this was MY daddy. I was crying because I felt like I was losing my father because these kids were not going to take his attention away for me. The other thing that I was pissed about in the dream is that he hid it from me. One of the little girls was 5 so he was hiding this big secret from me. I was also was thinking that how could be be so irresponsible as to have kids at age 59 (oh wait in the dream he corrected me to remind me that he was 54 when the first daughter was born!). Never once did I ever ask if he was happy about it. I was irate and felt threatened. It was weird and I play it cool with everyone except significant others (fatal flaw). I wish some people could have been there because I have never been that upset about anything in real life. So now it's up to me to interpert it. My dreams always mean something or are preminissions. So I hope it's the former because I don't thin I could deal with the later.

Part II: Do I really dislike black men who date blondes?

Now I have done a small bit of hating on this type of thing but it's so hypcritical for me to do so. I date outside of my race but only because I feel that good guys come in all flavors so why not taste the rainbow. I have no agenda and there is not a bit of black man hatred in me. However I am slightly bothered by black men who date idiot white girls. That is clearly my issue not theirs. Now I can't tell they are idiots just by looking at them but I do recognize that some black men date white women for the control factor and that is the part I hate.

Last night I went to a "white people bar" with my roomates. It was really fun as the night went on. The first two hours dragged on but after a while I was in my groove. So in walks a black guy white his white girlfriend. I smiled and spoke and we made room at our table for them . Immediately he starts screaming at the DJ to play "P.Diddy". I look at the DJ's computer screen to let him know that some hip-hop is coming up shortly. So when the top 40 hip-hop starts playing he gets on the dance floor with his girl. They then start dancing with other people. So I am dancing with some different people and I guess my booty shaking catches his eye. He is now fixiated on me and he is sitting in a chair staring at me saying "Damn look at that ass that mami has on her! Ummm huh Ms. Blue shirt." So it was clearly directed towards me. A little later he starts dancing with me but he's trying to do it on the low. But with the way I dance I like to connect with the people and get our rhythms in tune. Meanwhile I see his girl dancing with some other guy and it appears as if smooching is the item on the menu. So the brotha starts dancing next to me but I'm already dancing with 2 people but hey I can juggle in a third. Well his girlfriend didn't like this and she came and dragged him off into another room. What's funny about it is that I try to becareful with people who I know are with other people. I never approach them and if I dance close with them I try and make sure that our gentials are not thrusting upon one another. Was she threatened by me? maybe? obviously? He was commenting on "the junk" the whole night so I can see what the problem was. My only issue is that if I was her I would have felt very disrespected. He was oogling other women in her face. So this is the part of black men -white women relationship I dislike. It's the power thing. I guess I am a relationship purist. I never have alterior motives I only date for serious reasons cuz dating is time consuming and I don't like to have my time wasted. It really really funny because everyone noticed the sequence of events so basically she was embarrased.

No comments: