Saturday, April 12, 2008

I am truly a heathen.

Today was condom distribution day once again. So we were walking around a shopping center handing out condoms since it was raining today. I hand one to this brother and he hesitates on taking it. I tell him if he doesn't need it maybe someone else he knows does. So he walks away with it and brings it back a few minutes later and says "I wanted to give this back since I won't need it and someone else might." How nice of you "such a fine specimen of a running back with a squeezable booty."

We continue to hand out condoms and we run into him and his companion again. We thanked him again for returning the package. He stops and talks to us more about what we are doing. He asks us if we ever promote abstinence since that is the only sure fway to not get HIV. So we rap a taste about different things and we have some good laughs. Something tips me off that he is a man of God. So I asked him if he was a part of a ministry. He tells me he goes to the church up the way and I joke with him about the church causing ungodly amounts of traffic on Sundays.

Now I have only been to church twice in the last 5 years. In my lust, I seriously contemplated attending this church sometime soon. Not to catch a sermon but to catch a glimpse of this fine man again. Generally people invite folks to their churches or say "you should attend" but I'm sure he read the message across my boobs "There is no religion but sex & music." signed, Sting. Thus I wasn't invited to church.

This is also not my first foray into trying to corrupt men of God. (I may have posted these stories before but I don't care, lol.)_The first time was in college when another fine specimen of a man walked into the sanctuary and there was only one seat left in the church that wasn't on the first row. So I assumed I could point him to it. I see him looking around so I try to flag him over. He walked right up to the front row. Damn Damn Damn. I figured I'd try and talk to him after church or something. Well before the service was over he was introduced as a minister in training. Well goodness gracious. So after church he actually walks up to me because he said that he recognized from school. How had I not seen this man on campus? It was an awkward chat as I was nervous that he was coming up to me. I was kind of curt with him but, I should have been more friendly because being a first lady sounds like a cush job.

The 2nd time this happened I was attending a pentecostal church for the first time. They had these praise singers and one of them looked aight. He was a tad too mixed looking for my taste. When church was over and I was leaving he ran through the crowd just like OJ running through the airport to try and talk to me before I left. Then I attended a gospel concert in the park and I was having a hard time finding my friends in the crowd. So I ran into him and his mom and just shared a blanket with him. So we exchanged numbers and emails and what not. So we were sorta kinda talking to each other but he too was a minister in training. So we could never get anything popping off because he was trying to stay on the straight and narrow. Me not so much.

"Hey JP you are so tall when you really get into singing I get nervous because you always look like you are going to bump your head."

"Aisha how do you even notice that? You should be deep in prayer and worship and not paying attention to me."

Whoomp Whoomp Whoomp

He probably prayed a lot to take the temptation named Aisha away. One day at work I was talking to a coworker about the situation and I mentioned his full name since it's of french origin, very unique and sexy. My coworker starts screaming so I'm thinking she saw a rat run by us or something. No here I am talking to her about her cousin. Well it all ended right there. His mom was white how was I to know he was Haitian? Well yeah his name but I thought his mom might be French or something.

Someone asked me the other day if I still get tempted. My answer was obviously yes but I would never act on it but I was truly having some visions earlier today. Whole "flicks" running through my mind as we talked. We were talking about sex...I mean sexual health the whole time. So the words, penis, vagina, head, cigar & blue dress were sprinkled in the conversation.

Clearly I need the Lord. I can't even go into his house without lusting over someone. The church the guy was talking about actually has a webcast....yeah I went to their website and looked through the photos, lol. Maybe I'll catch a webcast so I can see what the church is about. I'm serious I won't be scanning the crowd for the dude...well I'll try not to.


rashad said...

yes, you are so a heathen.

sixfive said...

what a small world. I clicked to your blog from yelp (your taco reviews) then I see my man Rashad on here.. LOL.

Anonymous said...

what the hell is going on here?